a place to put words

our future was held hostage so we made out own swimming through the recycled filth of modernity we stitched together fragments and fragrances of beautiful things where context was destroyed we created our own, passing our creations along with stories of love and triumph, defeat and decay, but always looking pretty while doing it aesthetics born out of the feeling of comforting someone while you both know that neither of you have the answers, that it will only get worse aesthetics born out of a language with no grammar, one whose screams are unrecognizable even to itself aesthetics born out of a love for the majesty of ghosts and what they held dear aesthetics aborted we called it art, they called it imitation they called it degeneracy, we called it love if the goal of fashion is to die and be reborn, than let us be  the necromancers of futurity, carving crevices in our shared private hell and painting its ruins with the beautiful blood of corpses i just wish i was who i wa

                                                    Do you really love me? I just don't feel capable of being loved right                                                      now                                                     Sorry that was a weird thing to say [name] why do you feel that way?                                                     It's unimportant                                                     And I don't  feel  like I'm  capable of saying  it all                                                     But I just wanted to know if u do                                                     Sorry this is dumb my bad I do love you i really truly do                                                     And narcissistic  and stupid and dumb but thank you!!                                                     Thank you it's not dumb just kind of worrying                                                     I am fine!! Just feeling weird

i wish i could eviscerate the will to speak. all my thought are  pathetic. the scream i use to cry out is  just as  pathetic as the tears which are just pathetic. even my  melodrama is fucking  stupid. grow the fuck up you piece  of shit, people  care  about  you are you  act like this? go listen to MCR and cut yourself  you fucking loser. no no nononononono ppl care about  me and i know that. i wish i wouldnt feel so pitiable. my  existence is so stupid  and meaningless. god i bet  you  think your so cool and edgy huh. why cant i  feel anything without having to second guess it. why cant i  just be  like some random white girl from upstate who can watch the  notebook and go to church and be happy in a sad kind of way. at least there is comfort in  knowing that i will die an incredibly painful and gruesome death some day. yes its macabre and probably not something i should ever say  out loud  but i cannot wait to see  myself die. to  see  myself bleed, organs pouring out of me

i think the greatest mistake western metaphysics made was associating good with light and bad with dark. no no, evil grows in the light. with its roots in the allegory of the cave, it is a  false assumption. a dangerous one. for it's transparency is violence and its oversaturation blinds us to the possibility of anything more. that is the true violence of violence is its ability to negate the existence of good. doing evil not only increases the amount of evil, it destroys the possibility for one to do good. doing good increases the amount of good, but doesnt destroy the capacity for evil like evil destroys the capacity for good. this is why the only good comes from the dark, the underground. where we refuse the will to know and name and control and leave ourselves open to the possibility of feeling. intimacy in the dark. all good things are in the dark and underground. that's where the love is,  where the revolution is perpetual because it refuses recognition and articulation

" We're all bits of the internet that are afraid of being forgotten." -  张G , in the comment section of "lofi-hip hop beats to study and relax to", seconds after their comment disappeared amidst the digital tidal wave

i made us sandwiches because all the restaruants were  closed we sat together  on a cold day, making sure that we werent  too  close  for contagion to spread and then the sun shone, as if god said "you  are right" we pecked eachother  on the  cheak and neck, learning what our bodies were  for at a time when they were weapons all i wanted  to do  was absorb your presence   into  my everlasting  present we  drank water from seperate  glasses every  touch of  the face was accompanied by purell our love would travel but contagion would not,  and  as we layed in eachothers arms looking at the cold sky i pondered how this moment  is  everyhting i could have ever  wanted and yet its here, and its so simple. no fireworks, just  cold air and warm  breath. we ate at the G train  stop, so filthy,  and the facade wore off i got  the call that my mom tested  negative and we kissed so deeply in that instance, hours of anticipation and careful planning cast to the abyss from which