a place to put words

its like i can feel how awkward i sound as i type yet continue to do so. why? you're gonna have to carry that weight

"We couldn't fill a room. I don't mean that we didn't have enough stuff: she had loads of books (she was an English teacher), and I had thousands of records, and the flat is pretty poky anyway — I've lived here for over ten years, and most days I feel like a cartoon dog in a kennel. I mean that neither of us seemed loud enough, or powerful enough, so that when we were together, I was conscious of how the only space we occupied was that taken up by our bodies. We couldn't project the way some couples can. Sometimes we tried, when we were out with people even quieter than we; we never talked about why we suddenly became shriller and louder, but I'm sure we both knew that it happened. We did it to compensate for the fact that life was going on elsewhere, that somewhere Michael and Charlie were together, having a better time than we with people more glamorous than us, and making a noise was a sort of defiant gesture, a futile but necessary last stand. (You can

i dont even play magic the gathering. why the fuck am i watching so many videos about its history?

dont lose me. your my only self

every joke is gallows humor in the face of the beautiful cacophony of existence

there is nothing to say except that i am lonely. next year will be hard but i will have a purpose, but for now i am d r i f t i n g through space. sometimes i feel frustrated that im sad, or rather ambivalent to the state of the universe. its not an original emotion, but i think its only crass narcissism that makes me hate that my feelings are universal. and then i hate that i felt that. but its not hate. i feel that if my existence were to make a noise it would be an apathetic groan followed by a somber chuckle

there is no hot water and i am sad. those two things have nothing to do with eachother, yet intertwined by sheer chance maybe life is beautiful after all

i hate feeling unproductive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!