Slop by Forth Wanderers is a good song that i have listened to a lot today

i wish i could eviscerate the will to speak. all my thought are  pathetic. the scream i use to cry out is  just as  pathetic as the tears which are just pathetic. even my  melodrama is fucking  stupid. grow the fuck up you piece  of shit, people  care  about  you are you  act like this? go listen to MCR and cut yourself  you fucking loser.

no no nononononono ppl care about  me and i know that. i wish i wouldnt feel so pitiable. my  existence is so stupid  and meaningless.

god i bet  you  think your so cool and edgy huh.

why cant i  feel anything without having to second guess it. why cant i  just be  like some random white girl from upstate who can watch the  notebook and go to church and be happy in a sad kind of way.

at least there is comfort in  knowing that i will die an incredibly painful and gruesome death some day. yes its macabre and probably not something i should ever say  out loud  but i cannot wait to see  myself die. to  see  myself bleed, organs pouring out of me as i see myself die. not  that i would ever do that to myself, but idk the thought of being murdered in such a way brings me some happiness. its like a weight off my chest.

this  is so  dumb.  even  my spacebar is broken such that everything i write looks like a fucking ransom note. maybe thats a good analogy. im taking  myself hostage right now, degrading myself in  order for others to come and  negotiate. alas the terrorist always kills the hostage in the end, so who knows.

i  feel a little better now i guess. i  should really just  stop talking forever. vow of silence. nothing   i say is important, but some ppl  care about  it.  not  sure why though, you're all fucking fools. almost as pathetic as me.

almost.

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