a place to put words

learning music makes me feel inadequate which means i have to learn enough so i dont feel inadequate. fuck you. 

i think ive been thinking about if i desire to be interpreted and deciphered vs my desire to live a completely opaque life for a very long time, and i think my desire to be interpreted won, despite how cringe (for lack of a better word) hates it

there are three types of people in this world. horny teenagers looking for validation, suspicious people on the internet willing to give it to them, and people who have no idea that the first two exist.

i accidentally made a typo there, maybe there is something poetic in that. oh well, lost to time now. thanks for everything. 

am i disgusting for wanting to be groomed yes or yes

"I ATE A BIG BAG OF FACTORY REJECT SEEDS UNTIL A HEALTHY FLOWER UNFURLED IN MY CHEST ... I MISTOOK THE SENSATION FOR LOVE AND DIED"  - shovel2-deactivated20151204

thinking about the absurdity of this page. i have developed this infinitesmilay small subcutlure around my existence that is involved in so many deep levels of networks of existences. like no one follows or looks at this, yet it exists. i am waiting for some internet scavanger and discover this and see it as some beautiful expression of human existence in moderninty ingaged in so many layers or inorny and detathcment that it somehow is beuatiful? why do i desire recocnition for being irrecognisable dramatization. like if one knew it is existing is why it is beautiful yet wants to be seen as something beautiful, the two repel eachother. why do i do this if no one will hear it. i want to say (lmao i am so high) but i also dont want to because for some reason i care. i swear all i want but i feel some weird regard to talk about that. why do i care what you people think about me? but i do. no one will see this interaction, why should i care if it is percieved as bad. ok like subcatagor...