i think ive been thinking about if i desire to be interpreted and deciphered vs my desire to live a completely opaque life for a very long time, and i think my desire to be interpreted won, despite how cringe (for lack of a better word) hates it

Comments

  1. calypsocanJuly 19, 2020 at 1:36 PM

    why would you ever write an autobiography it ruins all the fun

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

there are three types of people in this world. horny teenagers looking for validation, suspicious people on the internet willing to give it to them, and people who have no idea that the first two exist.
Read more

some thoughts (dont like this title)

thinking about the absurdity of this page. i have developed this infinitesmilay small subcutlure around my existence that is involved in so many deep levels of networks of existences. like no one follows or looks at this, yet it exists. i am waiting for some internet scavanger and discover this and see it as some beautiful expression of human existence in moderninty ingaged in so many layers or inorny and detathcment that it somehow is beuatiful? why do i desire recocnition for being irrecognisable dramatization. like if one knew it is existing is why it is beautiful yet wants to be seen as something beautiful, the two repel eachother. why do i do this if no one will hear it. i want to say (lmao i am so high) but i also dont want to because for some reason i care. i swear all i want but i feel some weird regard to talk about that. why do i care what you people think about me? but i do. no one will see this interaction, why should i care if it is percieved as bad. ok like subcatagor
Read more

something something mortifying ordeal of being known something something

i was washing the dishes and  had this weird thought about what being driven means. so often i have been driven by  self hatred, motivated by fear that others wont love me if i dont do great things. and thats not true. my mere existence  is enough. but then what drives me? i want to be great as an expression of my love for the world, not as a way to validate my own worthiness of it. artistry, mastary, nuance, they are an expression of something deeper and greater that prove how beautiful things can be. i want to do great things because i love the world that gives me the opportunity to do them, i love the people that help me do them, i love you. and now the next part, being known. i want to be a lighthouse keeper. solitude but at peace with the whim of the universe. never a master but always capable of find peace in the chaos of existence. the wind, the sea, they are companions.  i am never lonely, thinking is a good thing. few know me, and those who do apreciate me. i feel like now
Read more