i love seeing people change. they now have a boufriend. she started wearing makeup. he stopped saying sorry after every sentence. he upgraded his wardrobe and is more confident. i love seeing people i love, even if they dont care about me, grow and learn to navigate their identity. sometimes i wish i could do that, as i feel i have grown stagnent over the years. but maybe i havent staled, some people change drasticly and dye their hair and change their lives, but i love the subtle changes more. i think maybe i have grown. i have the statement "solitude is not a prison and you are not a prisoner" on a post-it next to my bed, and i finaly believe it. it used to be a thing i had to tell myself, and now i just think "well yeah duh. i dont hate myself". and its true, i dont! i know hating yourself is aesthetic and all but i think i geniunely have come to terms with my existence. if i were to stand in the eyes of God and have to justify the space ive taken up and the air i breathed all i would have to say is "i am here and i love the world in spite of and beacuse of its fragility" and my work will have been done. whats beautiful is being the reason why someone changed  (in a good way). i havent talked to her in a couple of months, but i remember giving her the confidence to start a relationship with someone. and they are still together! maybe its my narcicism at work, but that makes me happy.

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